Posted by: jspiegel | June 2, 2009

#33: Become a 15 minute Internet Sensation

lander For the working stiffs of the world, spending time on the internet at work is supposed to be limited to work-related activities or minimal care-free browsing during carefully allotted break periods.  Naturally, such restrictions do not apply to your unemployed status and you are free to spend as much time as you please browsing the information super highway.  While eventually aimless web roaming will become cumbersome and repetitive, you may occasionally stumble across a gem of website, or blog, that tickles your funny bone in a way that begs you to forward these contents of hilarity onto your friends and family.  You soon come to find out that this website was created and written by your average Joe who really only wrote it to make a few of his friends laugh but is amazed at how its popularity spread like wildfire.

And you think to yourself, “I’m funny.  I have ideas.  I have time.  I could do this!”  Thus, the totally plausible and realistic goal of internet fame is born!

The first step towards internet stardom is to have an original idea.  Let’s say you want to write about things that white people like.  You could categorize this in a numbered fashion and let people comment on each posting.  Odds are, you will need to think of something a bit more creative as the chances of something like that taking off are slim to none.

Finding your own niche in the endless sea of internet humor can be tricky.  There is so much originality and creativity surfing the world wide web that sometimes the biggest difficulty can be carving out your own unique brand of the funnies.  This has become such a daunting task, that now people have begun to find success in taking completely unoriginal ideas and transcribing them onto a website all the while allowing participation from the general public.  For example, you know it’s funny to read back the texts you might have sent people after a night of drinking?  Well what about a website where everyone could send their drunken texts from last night? Of course it does seem pretty foolish, but who knows?  It could catch on.  Or, you could host a domain where folks could post hilarious little tidbits and parables describing the miserable situations they get themselves into.  Considering most decent people prefer not to revel in the misfortunes of others, a site like that might be in poor taste.

Once you have found what works for you, it is then important to fashion your own viral internet campaign.  Employed people are a terrific primary source for grass-roots marketing efforts.  Be sure to send your website to all of them.  Do not bother with your unemployed friends as they are probably too busy trying to create their own slapstick brand of comedy and will leave you in the dust.  Employed people love funny forwards and will send your link along in a machine-like fashion through word-of-mouth, emails, even posting your link in their status updates so as to alert all of their other employed friends who are on Facebook while they should be working.  It is important that, through these efforts, you do not self-promote.  Although you secretly wish nothing more than be discovered and put on the cover of Rolling Stone holding a cardboard sign with an ironic message such as “Will Blog for Food”, you must remember that to the world you are not in this for fame or fortune.  Whether four people or four-thousand people visit your site, you just want to make some people laugh.

Should people end up catching the fever of your website, enjoy the fame and adulation.  As quickly as internet comes, so it goes with the next big craze in its stead.  Soon, your hits will dwindle, and links to your page will be replaced by the next big in internet comedy.  Employed people are restless, and while they will sing your praises at the top of their lungs, your clever antics and sarcastic quips that poke fun at the things people can do if they don’t have jobs will soon grow old and tiresome.

As you continue your downward spiral on the rungs of society’s food chain, you will come to realize the three of fundamental constants.  One, is that there are hundreds of slightly-humorous and post-modern-ironic websites being created each and every day.  Two, is that your employed friends love to look at these to break up the monotony of their day.  Three, is that they will grow tired of it after a day or two and proceed to proclaim the brilliance of the next great blog they get forwarded.  As a member of the unemployed tribe, you should do what you can to become a part of the internet sensation party.  It will be the proudest fifteen minutes of your life.

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