Posted by: jspiegel | May 6, 2009

#23: Hang Out With Your Parents

Most people get along relatively well with their parents.  However, at this stage in life, there are many of us who are all too familiar with nagging pleas to “Call more often” or “Come over for dinner”.  To those who are in the camp of the unemployed,  Mom and Dad have offer an instant opportunity for some new best friends.

At first, this change in the dynamics of the relationship feels strange and frightening.  Sure there are some people who have always viewed their parents as their best friends, but these are people who have never had any type of companionship to begin with. You, being of normal social status, have always viewed your parents as obstacles and authority figures ready to thwart your good time at every turn. But now, they are there for support, guidance, and of course free meals and laundry.

Even though you are dead-beat low-life with no regular source of income, Mom and Dad will always be your biggest fans.

Even though you are a jobless low-life with no regular source of income, Mom and Dad will always be your biggest fans.

The beauty about befriending Mom is that she will always be on your side. No matter how difficult your job situation gets, or how many “interviews” (the things you say you went on when you were really out getting wasted) you blow, she will always be there with words of encouragement. After all, any company would be lucky to have you. How anyone not want you working for them?  Certainly she tucks away some secret shame and stays up all night worrying if those progress reports you received in middle school about “not being able to apply yourself” have finally come home to roost but she’ll never let on.  Should you come across a group setting in which people ask you what you are up to you will notice an instant mouthful of clenched teeth desparately forcing itself into a smile as Mumsy anxiously awaits your answer while silently praying that the words that come out of your mouth do not embarass her.

Dad might be a different story.  At first he will not hide his disappointment and will also date this chain of events back to some obscure time in your childhood. Most likely, he will blame your current predicament on the fact that you hung out with the wrong group of friends, or the fact that you were never really active in sports.  He too will eventually come around as he begins to realize that this is an opportunity not only for you and him to spend some extra “quality time” together, but this also gives him a chance to hang out with somebody other than your mother.  After so many years of marriage combined with the fact that his kid might actually now think he’s cool, he will forget about your dead-beat status in this economy and put on the Darkside of the Moon. When this happens he will proceed to ask you if you have listened to this album while watching The Wizard of Oz and on some form of psychotropic substance. Whether or not you have lied in the past, telling him now that you have will make the bonding process go that much quicker.

Since you have so much free time on your hands, share some of with your parents.  Although they might have never been unemployed themselves, they are ready to hear your tales of woe, with an open mind and hopefully an open wallet.



  1. […] enjoy some well deserved time off such as furthering your credit card debt or pleading your case to Mom and Dad in hopes that their pity will earn you a ticket to […]

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