Posted by: jspiegel | May 4, 2009

21: Becoming a “Regular”

Eventually, being unemployed will wear on you and you will seek a change in your surroundings.  What better way to pass the time during the day then by becoming a regular at the local watering hole?

Many bars have a steady population of “happy-hour” regulars that set up shop between the crowded hours of 5 and 7.  For the unemployed, when the doors open for business, your reserved stool is ready and waiting for you to keep it warm from the hours of 9 to 5, also known as “The Dead Zone”.

norm While employed folks might have some experience at being      “regulars”, much it derives from quick transactions where there is minimal conversation such as at a convenience store or restaurant.  As an unemployed person you have the opportunity to get in good with the bartender and the other jobless locals who occupy the remaining bar stools.  Within a certain amount of time, you all will be sharing a similar bitter outlook on life and laughing as one at inside jokes that the “other patrons” will only wish they could be a part of.

Soon, you will develop a home away from home and a place where everybody knows your name.  It’s not very often you can walk into an establishment and have everyone shout out your moniker in resounding unison.  This act will usually be followed by the bartender asking how you are in a clever/folksy manner.  Your response should be equally as witty in order to maintain your “regular” status.

Some examples are:

Q: “So, how’s life in the fast lane?”

A: “I can’t seem to find the on-ramp!”

<Laughter ensues>

Q: “How goes the good fight?”

A: “I keep showing up with a knife, and everyone else has a gun!”

<Laughter ensues>

Q: “What kind of trouble have you been causing today?”

A: “Well I did just find someone online, lured them into a hotel room, and killed them for pleasure.”

<Awkward silence>

Unemployed days can be, at times, lonely and monotonous.  Mix things up a bit by sharing your woes with like-minded people.  There’s nothing more comforting than sharing (and drowning) your sorrows.

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