Posted by: jspiegel | April 27, 2009

#16: Have an Affair

affairWhile employed people consider their days to be trivial and meaningless, it is the unemployed that desperately seek to find new and exciting ways to liven up their afternoons.  What better way to battle the ensuing boredom then the simple act of infidelity.

The affair has long since come with negative connotations attached to the act itself.  Screwing up relationships, child custody battles all cause detrimental damage to you and your loved ones.  Being unemployed, however, gives you the moral latitude to forego “right” and “wrong” (aren’t you suffering enough?) and engage in some old-fashioned two-timing.

In today’s technologically savvy world, committing adultery is as easy as taking candy from a baby (it is recommended you do not try to merge the two acts and commit adultery with a baby).  Websites such as Ashley Madison encourage such behavior and offer many exciting home wrecking options to choose from.

The most important parts of the affair are the time and the place.  Fortunately for you, not having a job gives you all the time in the world and most likely an open house of love from the hours of eight in the morning to six at night.

If you are in a relationship having said affair, be sure to avoid suspicion.  Clear all search engine histories and delete all traded pictures and sexting messages on your cell phone.  Should you get caught, your partner is most likely to be upset.  Be sure to put things in perspective with phrasing such as: “Hey, at least I’m not the Craigslist Killer!” to help stifle any potential overreaction.  If getting caught is part of a large role-playing initiative for you and your significant other, then kudos!

Should you be single and be the home wrecker, be sure to question the act constantly with phrases like: “I don’t know if we should be doing this” or, “But he’s my brother”.  There is nothing more entertaining than watching a cheater wrestle with his or her moral actions, and being unemployed, you need all the amusement you can get.

If neither you, or your cohort are currently involved in a relationship, then you are not having an affair.  You are simply two unemployed people who are bored and lonely.

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