Posted by: jspiegel | April 22, 2009

#13: Late Night Television

late-night-tvWhen you are employed, you are constrained to a rigid schedule that usually involves a bedtime of somewhere after the eleven-o-clock news, and right before the start of soft-core pornography on HBO.  With unemployment you can remove the shackles of deadset cliches such as, “Early to bed, early to rise.”

At first, staying up past the midnight hour watching television too good for daylight might seem a bit daunting.  Your body will still be set to a time-frame that is appropriate for normal employed people.  You can compensate this effect by beginning to sleep in an extra amount each morning (an exercise that will provide extra satisfaction for you, and looks of murderous rage from your employed significant other).

Once you have adjusted your internal clock, you can prepare yourself for a never ending dance with the mistress of the evening: late-night programming.

Sadly, the general public seems to feel that the programs slotted in these time-frames are of no consequence to the general working public.  You need only to catch one Suzanne Somers infomercial on the Thighmaster to dispute such an outrageous claim.  If you are more of a frivilous consumer, the infinite possibilities of the Home Shopping Network will certainly wet your appetite.

Then there are of course, the most trusted companion to any late-night TV-goer, the TV Land marathon.  What your parents once considered their “TGIF” lineup has now been relegated to post-midnight syndicated status.  But that does not mean it is any less entertaining.  The unemployed can watch the sunrise with Sanford and Son or even go back to a simpler time with Leave It to Beaver.  Either way, you’d have to be a big dummy to not enjoy a TV land all-nighter.

As the evening hours wane, use caffeine supplements to keep your party going.  Better yet, “employ” the aide of other jobless companions to use as support.  It never hurts to have someone to toss a high-five to once you’ve heard a clever catchphrase.

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